Monday, 20 May 2013

My Big Fat Addiction

I must confess. My name is Jenster (aka Jen) and I am a reality TV addict. I love it. Can’t get enough of it. I’m like an excited child as I scan TV guides and the internet to find out what is the next program I should be watching. I even get grumpy if I miss then.

Not so long ago, I would ensure I was at home at 2.00pm on a Sunday afternoon to watch a sappy, reality love show. I’m such a sucker for a girl finding her prince charming.
I even like, what I call, crazy famous reality TV, like Keeping up with the Kardashians, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or New York or New Jersey or Orange County or Miami (I think you get the picture). I call them, crazy famous reality TV because it’s so far removed from reality, I can’t help but love it.

It would be my perfect job. Getting paid to watch reality TV. In fact, the more I think about, it wouldn’t really be a job. But wow.....I wouldn’t complain. I’ve been thinking about why I love it sooooo much. I think it’s something about watching everyday people being exposed in one way or another. I love the fights, the tantrums, the personality clashes, the tears and of course, the drama. I also love the highs. I laugh with them, tell them off, yell at them like a child, criticise their choices and of course, cry, no in fact, I bawl, with them. No matter what they do, I can’t turn away.
I must also confess my favourite is the love reality TV shows. The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, US versions of course. I especially love the Aussie program, Please Marry My Boy where mums picked lovely ladies for their sons all in the hope of finding “the one”.  What about Don’t Tell The Bride? I watched both the Aussie and UK versions. Just ridiculously fantastic!

Who could go past the discovery of a true star? You know, those shows where we are in awe of the talent and religiously watch them as every day people go on their journey to success. Shows such as American Idol, The Voice and So You Think You Can Dance. I just love watching people chase their dreams. I even feel a sense of pride watching them. It’s like they were my sister or brother. My heart even breaks for them.

But my all time favourite reality TV show is (drum roll please).......Big Fat Gypsy Weddings. What a sensationally crazy series that had me desperate for more! The dresses, tiaras and caravans. Oh and their dance moves......which even the young girls had mastered! I find it hard to comprehend their way of life. My life compared to theirs, polar opposites. I think that's why watching it was such a great escape!
Like any true addiction, I don’t think I can give it up. It’s a part of my life and when some shows are on, it’s ALL my life.

So why am I so addicted to reality TV? Because it’s -

R – reality. Well, sort of.
E – entertaining or escapism
A – absorbing
L – laughable
I – interesting
T – tempting and terrible all at the same time
Y – yearning (so 'y' was a little tricky, this should really be, a yearning)
T – therapy..........and last but not’s
V – vital (in my life anyway)
Off to watch some more......

Jenster xoxo

This week I am linking up with Kirsty at My Home Truths for "I must confess..."

Sunday, 5 May 2013

The Confidence to Be Me

Linking up with The Lounge with the theme, "What did you think you would be better at by now?"

Well, don’t just start with the hard questions The Lounge! If you had started with “What did I want to be when I grew up?” that would be much easier. But alas, you threw a curve ball and threw it hard!

I remember being a child and thinking I was going to be better at almost everything. You name it and I was going to be better than anyone else at it. It’s fair to say I was a dreamer as a child. Every child should have dreams. I couldn’t narrow mine down to one.
As I grew older, dreamer became idealist and I was always focused on the next thing. The ‘when I’ way of thinking. You know, when I lose weight I will be more attractive. When I have clear skin, I will feel better. When I get my degree, I will be happier. It’s that unrealistic attainment of something happening and things will be better than they are now.

I think that’s why I thought by now I would be better at having the confidence to be me. Accepting myself, flaws and all. As I rapidly approach 37, it’s not like this has suddenly come about. I have always struggled to accept myself. It’s called a lack of self confidence and what a mother fucker that thing is!!!
Being confident in my own skin. It’s a brutal battle between me and confidence. The older I get, the more I seem to win. Lately, I have won more times than I have lost. Some battles are just plain bloody and full of desperation to allow a mere shred of confidence to shine through. Some battles aren’t even battles. It’s like confidence showed up in its armour and killed everything around it. It’s those times when I am full of confidence that I am comfortable being me. However, it’s the times when I don’t have to battle that I get ahead of myself and think it’s not really an issue at all. Clearly, the universe never likes this approach and sends me something to send me back to reality. It’s then I realise I still have a bit of work to do on this confidence thing.

I always hoped confidence would land in my lap. Kind of like my prince charming. Plonk and confidence is there. Not sort of there, not half there, but 100% fully there. But really, if confidence was 100% there, then that wouldn’t give me any challenge now, would it?
As they say, it’s the journey not the destination. When I look back, I am proud of me. Proud of the obstacles that I have encountered and survived. Proud of what I have learnt about myself. I have become a better person for what I have experienced.

With each experience I learn a bit more about me. With each experience comes a little bit more confidence. It’s each experience that awakens a bit more inside of me. It’s these experiences I should be grateful for. To quote  Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose:-

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment. “

One day I will get there. One day I will have the confidence to be me. Until then, I will have plenty of new and rich experiences to enjoy.
What experiences have you found most valuable in understanding you?